Pickles Did It

Our poor little kitty Pickles left us two years ago. But we all still miss him,Pickles and Jazzy especially Jazzy. She was his kitty not ours. The most remarkable thing about him being gone for two years is that he still gets blamed for everything that goes wrong in this house. If something weird happens and we don’t know who did it, Pickles did it.

This started back in the mid-nineties. I had been in Europe for five weeks, and getting home had been a real ordeal. (That event would make a good blog.)  By the time I reached home I had been awake for over 48 hours. Robert was in the hospital. I knew better than to go to bed at 6:00 pm. I busied myself answering the mail. Then I decided to balance the checkbook. Someone had made a terrible mess in it. It took me until 11:oo pm to straighten it out. 

About 9:00 pm I called Robert to say goodnight. I said to him, “I’m going to ask you a question, and the answer might need to be Pickles did it. So here’s the question, What the ‘H’ happened to my checkbook?”

There was a very long silence on the other end of the phone. Then this, “um, Pickles did it.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes. I came home and found Pickles with a pen scribbling in your checkbook. And I said, ‘Pickles, what are you doing?’ He put the pen down and walked away.”

“And he will never, ever do that again will he?”

“Oh, no no. I think he learned his lesson.”

Since then poor Pickles was blamed for everything. And two years after his demise he is still being blamed for whatever happens.

I wrote a story about his arrival at our home. It is included here.


      That’s me behind bars.  It seems like I’ve spent half my life behind bars.  Well, actually, I have spent half my life in jail.  You see, I’m only six weeks old and the first three weeks I lived with my mom inside a prison.

      We were wild and mom begged for her meals at the dining hall.  One day she left me to get some food and while she was gone something terrible happened.

      Two huge people things found me and picked me up.  I was too little to run.

      One of them said, “Let’s throw it in the air and see if it lands on its feet.”

      Oh, no, please, no!

      The other had a small white stick and a thing that clicked and made a bright flame. “Let’s set it on fire.”

      No, no, please.

      “I know, let’s throw it on the razor wire.  I’ll bet it can’t get out anymore than we can.”

      Mommy!  Mommy!

      Then another voice spoke.  “What are you boys doing with that kitten?  Give it to me!”

      Big Warm Hands cradled me. A large finger tickled my tummy and another stroked my head.

      Things got kind of crazy after that.  The Big Warm Hands took me to the chapel.  Everyone there was real big but very nice. Then Other Hands carefully carried me through the prison.  I cried and cried for my mom but I never saw her again.  The Other Hands gave me to a lady who was soft and smelled nice.  She took me for a long ride.  I was so warn out from all the excitement that I fell fast asleep.

      The Nice Lady gave me soft warm food to eat.  But I was too little to lap yet.  I cried all night.  I was hungry and I missed my soft warm mom and her good milk.

      In the morning the Big Warm Hands was there and he and the Nice Lady put me behind bars and took me to the vet.  He poked and listened and looked. He gave my people milk and a bottle and food I could eat.

      Boy was I glad.  I was so hungry!

      I got so full!

      I never cried at night again and I had so much fun.  Big Warm Hands played with me.  I chewed on him and he tickled my tummy.  Whee!

      Then one day I was in jail again.  Nice Lady and I went for a really long ride.  I slept most of the time.  We stopped once and she gave me some water. 

      Still in the little jail, she carried me into a big place.  But I could not see.  She had a coat over my jail!

      When Nice Lady took me out she put me on a bed.  In the bed was a sweet lady with white hair.  I had so much fun playing on her covers.  She tickled my tummy.

      Lot’s of ladies in white came in and pet me and held me and tickled my tummy.  But they all said, “Kitten? What kitten?  I don’t see a kitten.”  But I was right there!

      All this attention wore me out and soon I was fast asleep with the white haired lady.  When I woke, I looked around for sand.  My Nice Lady always puts me in sand when I wake up.  Hurry!  Where’s the sand?  Too late.  I got the white haired lady a little wet.  She said, “Why, you little pickle!”  And they have called me Pickles ever since.

      Soon it was back behind bars, under the coat and another long ride home. 

      I really like my new family.  I like Nice Lady who feeds me good stuff.  I like Big Warm Hands who is like a litter mate.  We play and play and then sleep together.  Shadow is teaching me the game Pounce And Roll.  I like that.  But what I like best is when they say, “Let’s tickle Pickles!”

Home is a giant house with thousands of rooms.  Well, it seems so to me!  And once I started toddling around I met the rest of the family.

      First there was Mara.  She just put her nose and tail in the air and ignored me.

      Then there was Mietzie.  She hissed and hid.

      Precious sat on the table and looked down at me with great big eyes.

      Charity let me walk right up to her.  Oh, boy a friend.  But as soon as I got to her, she skyrocketed over me.

      They all sorta looked like my mom–but they wouldn’t let me nurse.

      Finally Shadow came up to me.  He sniffed and looked.  And then he licked my head.  I’m so cute, how could he resist?

      I really like my new family.  I like Nice Lady who feeds me good stuff.  I like Big Warm Hands who is like a litter mate.  We play and play and then sleep together.  Shadow is teaching me the game Pounce And Roll.  I like that.  But what I like best is when they say, “Let’s tickle Pickles!”

by Pickles Panda Valentine as told to Susan Fleming-Perkins


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Filed under Cats, Family, Living, Relationships, Writing

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