My Opinion and You’re Entitled to It

You’ve heard the phrase, “Everyone is entitled to their opinion.” Well I have my opinions and you are all entitled to them. So stick your tongue in your cheek, we’re in for a ride.

My father came to America with his parents and siblings in 1911. ellisThis was just before the Great War. He was 6 at the time, the youngest of 4. When I knew his two brothers and his sister, they spoke perfect English. They had no German accents. They were all naturalized as a family. They had jobs, they paid taxes, and my father served in WWII. (That was the one and only time he returned to Germany.) So what’s my opinion on immigration? COME. But come legally. Learn the language, which by the by is English not Spanish. Become naturalized. Get a job. Pay taxes. When my dad came here, the signs were not in two to three languages, the food on store shelves were labeled in English. They managed just fine.

Sidebar: Back in the ’90’s we were in the Czech Republic. I walked to the “potriveny” — the grocery store all by myself. I bought everything I needed by looking at the jars. I pointed to the meat at the deli counter I needed. And watched the register for the amount of sale. I did not expect anything to be in English, and it wasn’t. I was doing fine until the clerk at checkout asked me something in Czech. I gave her a stupid I have no idea what you are saying grin. Thankfully two ladies back in line translated for me. She was just asking if I found everything.

My dad was an American period.

So have you heard there’s overcrowding in prisons? A few years ago the red-neck Billy Ray Something came up with a solution. Give all the prisoners big knives and go away for a weekend. Paul, my brother-in-law (may he rest in peace), had a really great idea. He called it the Crime Debit Card. At birth (Hi Henry. Hi Graham.) each person would be issued a crime debit card. It would have a certain number of points loaded on it. At each infraction of the law, felony, misdemeanor, or traffic mishaps, a certain number of pre-decided points would be deducted from your card. Until zero, and then you’re done. trooperScenario: A man is stopped for a traffic violation. He gives his card to the officer. The officer swipes his card. The officer keys in the appropriate points. The officer says, “Sir you have two crime debit points left.” He touches his hat, “Have a nice day.” Gets in his car and drives away.

Next Scenario: Another man is caught leaving a bank with a sackful of money that is obviously not his. His crime debit card is also swiped. He is at a minus ten. The arresting officer administers a high-speed lead injection. As you can see no need for choked court systems or overcrowded prison systems. Oh and not to mention annoying lawyers. Watch for the new novel Crime Debit Card coming much later.

Do you know that you must have a license to get married, own a dog, sell real estate, drive a car, do hair and nails, sell liquor, or to sell anything in a store? BUT anybody can have a baby. What if people had to get a license to have a baby? You would have to go to class, take a test, prove you were married, and had an income. Seriously, do you have any idea what people go through to adopt? Shouldn’t there be some standards for having children?

Sidebar: Seriously, shouldn’t looking in the mirror be one criteria? Of course there’s the delightful little song in Cabaretcabaret called “Meeskite” — a Yiddish work for ugly. Two meeskites get married and everyone worries what their child will look like. But, “Gorgeous, gorgeous they produced a baby that was gorgeous….”

I haven’t worked out all the details on this one yet, but in an increasingly overpopulated world do we really need “19 and Counting”?

Ok you can take your tongue out of your cheek. I hope you didn’t bite it.

And don’t get me started on elections and politics.


1 Comment

Filed under Living, Writing

One response to “My Opinion and You’re Entitled to It

  1. Looking forward to the ride!

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